The world has always been so loud and chaotic to me, partly because I make it that way through my own imposter syndrome, ADHD, and anxiety, but also because there’s just so much noise out there. Along with this, I grew up a survivor of abuse, which while I don’t believe defines me, it is an important aspect that has impacted much of my life. My art gives me a way of focusing the chaos and expunging the cacophonies inside my own head, and with the movement going from my body to my hand to the “paper”, I am physically attuned to putting what I see in front of me. When I work, I know what I want to do and exactly how I will do it, all anxious thoughts of failure dissipate once my focus is locked on the art in front of me.
For Deities, I decided on using black and white instead of color in order to emphasize how these types of abuse felt to me personally. My mind categorized each act as a dark secret in my heart, while simultaneously whiting out my memory of the event. Along with this, I chose to mimic tarot cards due to the physical nature of the closeness and emotional privacy expressing these memories to another person entails. Tarot cards are universally understood as both personal and spiritual, which is how coming to terms to understanding abuse feels, both for the listener and the survivor.